In the Long Run

My Key Limey received a bill from the hospital the other day, informing him that his insurance company had been billed for services rendered on May 7, 2007. As he had not been even near the hospital that day, we were more than a little disconcerted see that the mysterious services amounted to $10,987.56. The next day KL cleared up the obvious error with the hospital. But that’s not the first time he’s suffered a case of mistaken identity.

Many years ago in college, he once received a C in a class that we took together, and for which I received an A. Even in my smug sympathy, I felt something was just not quite right. We’d received high marks on a project we’d done together which was half the grade, and he had done well on other assignments. He contacted the teacher for further explanation, and they discovered that KL’s grade had been transposed with another student who had the exact same name—first, middle, and last.

His common name commonly produces wrong number phone calls. “Are you the [Key Limey] who sells tropical fish?” “Is this the residence of [Key Limey] from Wichita?” “I’m looking for the [Key Limey] who collects rare coins.” When it is a legitimate caller looking for the [Key Limey] who is a lawyer, I evaluate the level of animosity in the voice, and consider prevaricating (“lying” sounds so harsh) that the caller has a wrong number.

But the funniest, and yet possibly the most serious, case of mistaken identity, is with a fellow named Jasper with the same last name. Apparently Jasper, who owes thousands of dollars in back child support in California, lives right here at our address, or at least he has told someone that he does. We have received quite a few demands for payment from the sate of California for his four children. My Key Limey made some calls to sort that one out as well. Since then, we still receive the occasional credit card offer addressed to Jasper. Recently we received some spam email from one Jasper Same-Last-Name, as follows:

Our company has confirmed your draft and have the specific proposals relative to your needs.

Take assistance of our proposition now, before it is unavailable.

Goodbye,
Jasper [Same-Last-Name]

I’m sure you all are familiar with that type of spam. I thought it was a humorous coincidence that it came to us from someone with the same name (and probably contrived, at that) as our deadbeat dad Jasper. I guess he’s selling insurance now.

Fortunately my Key Limey hasn’t been the tragic victim of true identity theft. These incidents have been minor inconveniences. Still, as Kermit says, “It’s not easy being green.” Or Smith, or Jones, or Wilson.

Posted by Cyppy at 4:15 PM